Between Heaven and Hell
by SRona58
Summary: Post A4 prediction...Pepperony one shot. Tony POV, based off of Boss Logic's latest fan edit. ...I'm sorry.


It had to be done. 14,000,605 outcomes and only one would be successful. But no one told me that one outcome would end in me leaving her.

Pepper. The one I can't stop staring at. Standing in her blue dress, the same one she wore the night I fell in love with her...though I didn't tell her that then. Her hair in the same ocean waves, like fire over her shoulders. God, it's really been eleven years since I last saw her like this?

Honestly I don't know if 'this' is even real. It could be fake, could be my imagination. A figment of bent reality. Everything seemed to blur together after I reversed things, anyway, and I don't know how I wound up here, back in the lab at the compound, no suit...just my usual Black Sabbath shirt and a black jacket over top. And...no arc...

Anyway, I'm rambling... Here she is, my fiance, my strength, the only person to ever understand me...

She's staring at the suits, her back turned to me as she picks up one of the helmets off of the Mark 47 unit that's since been retired...obsolete next to the nanotech. Her hands shake, though, and I start to panic.

"Pep? Hey, you okay?" I ask, reaching out.

But she doesn't answer.

"Hey, you mad at me or somethin?" I ask next as she sets it down on the ground with some struggle. "You know I had to go, and the kid snuck on board, but everything's okay now, and..."

But she's unresponsive, pressing the side triggers and suddenly, there's a blue light illuminating the dark space, drowing her in a color just lighter than her dress.

"Pepper?"

And then it shapes into a firgure...my figure. Me from that banquet. My hair was longer then, my beard darker, before the grays set in... And that tux has since been donated somewhere, but clearly she remembers the sentiment of that night, too...even if I left her on that rooftop.

"Tony..." she sighs, and then her hands raise and settle on her stomach and...

"Pep, you said we weren't-" I start, heart hurting at this sudden news, but then my own voice interrupts and speaks over me as if I'm not even here.

"Pepper," is all that hologram greets with.

Though it's pretty monotone, I see that same care in the fake Tony's eyes that I've look at her with too many times. The softness that tells her I love her without speaking words.

"How are you feeling today?" it speaks next, and I realize it must be me...in an AI form; she must've programmed me like I had Jarvis...but why?

"Nervous..." she sighs, looking down at her swollen belly. "Less than a month now."

"You'll do great," the AI tries to assure her.

And then a tear stains her cheek but she doesn't look up, and her voice is cracked and raw when she speaks again.

"I'm so scared, Tony..."

"Don't be," fake me answers calmly, stepping forward until her bump is just inches away. "She'll be perfect. She'll love her mother with everything she has. Just like her dad did."

Did?!

"Pep, I'm right here," I try again, but she's since turned her head away, not wanting to look at either of us.

"I miss you so much, Stark..." she manages, and I can hear the crying in her voice. "You should be here...not, not this...this program..."

"I'm right here, Pepper. Remember?" the AI offers, but she snaps her head up, glaring at it.

"You're not my Tony," she cries. "Our Tony."

"I'm the same as living Tony was. You designed me to be."

"How?!" she chokes out. "You're just another bot, not the real thing. The real thing's gone...and he's not coming back."

And then it hits me. The flashing images of the stones. Of time being altered, of that portal they called the quantum realm. Of having to choose - them or me. And the ultimate sacrifice for the rest of the world to live...for her to live; myself.

I left her. Killed myself without going back to see her. My last words being that broken up apology to her from somewhere in the air above New York. But it's the only way she would live.

I'm just a wandering ghost, I guess. Is that actually something that happens? Apparently. But why? Why do I need to see this? This pain, this heartbreak... How could I have chose differently and not had it be the selfish choice?

And I didn't even know she was pregnant. She told me no. And now I'll never get to marry her. I'll never see the birth of our child or know what Morgan grows up to be.

And Pepper...God, Pepper can't stand to be alone so she made me come back, in some shape or form. And I can see how desperately she wants to touch...well, me. Hug me, have my hands on her stomach, anything. But that AI isn't solid. It can't soothe her fears or make her laugh like I used to. It doesn't have the ability to love, it doesn't share our history, our memoeries... It doesn't know how long it took me to realize I loved her or how many times I had to ask her to marry me before she finally agreed to take my sorry ass back. It'll never hug her or finally put that wedding ring on her finger or hold our baby girl. It's just a place holder...a computer, my personality stripped from my body.

"You knew what you were doing and you let them convince you to take your life!" she yells, suddenly kicking the helmet, simultaneously shutting off the hologram as it bounces off the wall. "Do you hear me, Anthony, you coward?! I hate you, I hate you...I...I love you, you big idiot, and you'll never even know that you're a father..."

And then she sinks down to her knees, holding her stomach as she ducks her head and hides her face under her hair.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask softly, knowing it's not going to matter; she can't hear me.

"You got what you wanted..." she whispers through her long curls and those bangs I always used to brush from her eyes. "You don't have to worry about failing Morgan...and you're a hero to the rest of the world. I hope you're happy..."

She takes a deep breath and I can't move...I can't stomach this.

"Are you happy, wherever you are?" she whispers.

And now I realize we're both stuck somewhere between heaven and hell, in this place where I can't stand to leave her and never see her again, and she can't let go.

"Yes," I finally settle on, knowing I'm only lying to myself. "Because you and our daughter will live, and that's worth more than my life ever did."


End file.
